S1:E5 – Bullying as a Catalyst For Personal Growth
Show Notes:
James Mayo:
Hi I’m James, and welcome to The Most Hydrated Podcast. On this episode we’ll be discussing the not-so-fun topic of bullying but more importantly, I’m going to share some tips and tricks that may help any of those who have gone through it because I was a victim of bullying and I’ve managed to come out on the other side.
So as usual, it’s the normal rapid fire 10 questions in 10 minutes to enable you to easily digest and then crack on with your day. So, here we go.
Well what happened? I was at a boarding school, it was a part-orphanage, part-boarding school. I was there with my brother and for about five years, I absolutely hated it. Unfortunately, we couldn’t leave, but I was beaten, I was bullied, I was forced to hide in my cupboards some nights, sleep on my brother’s floor – it really really affected me in more ways than one. I ended up turning to drinking when I was about 16-17. I used to hide a bottle of alcohol down at the school pitch and then would come back up and the bullying would start in the evening. During the day, it was fine.
Funny enough, I was also running, at the fledgling start of my running career. I put everything into my running and I couldn’t have asked for a better brother. And the fact that whilst he was my younger brother, we stuck tight and he helped get me through it, and then I lived for my weekends when I could escape the school. But, the day I left, the day I walked out of that place–I said I’d never let it happen again.
So, how did it affect me? Well obviously during school it took away my childhood, it was a disaster, it was horrible. And then after that I sort of hid it away, but it did make me really, really competitive. I really wanted to prove that this wasn’t me and that I shouldn’t be bullied and so on and so forth, and I put all my gusto and all my effort into my running, into the army, into funny enough, everything I did from a work perspective. I did damage some of my relationships, but obviously now I have an amazing wife and better half, Blanca, who’s really sort of been there for me as well as two wonderful kids. So, I overcame it really through seeing a psychoterrorist as I call them [psychotherapist] and it took me a long time to really realize that that was the deep rooted foundation. Obviously I’m no longer on the booze or anything else like that. I’ve had a successful career as a running and then a successful career in sales and television and helping with the TV side of life, and then coaching, and now more importantly setting up SOS and in the process of setting up SM24.
So I’ve channeled everything and been fortunate enough to have a massive family. I overcame it by speaking to people, sharing my issues, and more importantly, just trying to ground myself and trying to understand the issues about it.
What do I wish everyone understood about bullies and the bullied of this world? Well, if you’ve ever been bullied, you know it sucks. And, for those that are bullies—well, karma’s going to get you. Funny enough, of the people that bullied me: one’s in prison, several have done nothing with their lives. So, that’s karma. But focus on yourself. You’re awesome, whoever it is. And no one is to tell you you’re bad or whatever so just really focus on being positive and focusing on how awesome you are and the bullies of this world well, they’ll be bullies. There’s always going to be bullies. But they’re going to get their karma in the end.
There’s a current massive focus on mental health—obviously that’s why I’m talking about it today. It affects us all in different ways and everyone is unique. How I came to terms with it may not work for others, but I do hate that there’s a small percentage of people who hide behind mental issues as an excuse. And again that’s a tiny, tiny percentage.
So what coping strategies do I have, and how do I sort of get through it? And to everyone else there who’s got mental issues, I support you and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through it. Keep fighting, and you’ll get through it.
Couple of things that have helped me: get into the moment. I notice I put on a thousand-yard stare when I’m sort of drifting back into the wrong places so I try to snap myself out of it. I put my feet on the floor and try to ground myself, and then I think positive. And I’ve got myself a little technique and some people will see it, where you clench your hands and when I have a bad thought, I sort of strangle out that thought and then I just throw it away. And, finally having a good strong support network around you really, really helps.
On a slightly lighter note, I do have a secret talent. Yeah, I do actually. *Donald Duck voice*: “Hi I’m Donald Duck” Now, for those of you that don’t know, that’s actually meant to be my Donald Duck voice – that’s my secret talent.
What is the toughest aspect of being an entrepreneur? Well, for a start, life as an entrepreneur, the toughest aspect is just becoming an entrepreneur. Having that wherewithal of just sort of where to go. And funny enough, there’s bullies out there in the world – everyone wants to take some of you. Everyone wants to take, take, take. And there’s bullies that will put you down and say you can’t when you can. You just have to have the belief you can do it. So first off, is making that step. If you’ve got a great idea, there’s an opportunity for it to sell. Which is awesome. Then you need to come up with the idea and make the jump and then go and do it. And then, keep positive. Be realistic, obviously, because some ideas just don’t work. And failure is accepted—it’s ok to lose, it’s ok to fail. But, don’t listen and don’t be bullied by all those people out there that are out to just basically [put you down] because they haven’t got the guts to do what you’ve done. So, just keep driving it forward.
How can I stop my kids from being affected, or your kids from being affected? Well, unfortunately in this horrible but awesome world, we can’t. The only thing we can do, Blanca and myself, is give them the best possible understanding of life, to love them more than anything, to look after them, to not molly-coddle them but to let them make their own mistakes, to teach them that they are beautiful inside and out, and to give them confidence and to keep trying to grow that confidence. So, that’s something that we’ll obviously do, and God forbid, I hope they don’t have to go through anything that I went through. But life’s challenges are everywhere, and we can’t shield them from everything but hope that we can prepare them as best we can, and it starts with love.
What’s my favorite hydration hack for entrepreneurs and business owners out there? There’s two probably—hydrate before a pitch. Remember, if you’re thirsty you’re 2% dehydrated which can lead to a 25% loss in cognitive performance. So, if you’re already dehydrated going into a pitch, top up on the good stuff because that can get you back on the spot. There’s nothing worse than being off-kilter when you’re pitching. So, if you’re hydrated, you’re going to be on your game. The second one is, as we’re travelling a lot more, take a couple of sticks of SOS with you and just before you land, pop a couple of SOS into your water bottle, it’ll help sort out jet lag—flying dehydrates naturally, so it’ll get you going.
So, that’s it. Quite a sensitive topic, quite focused, quite emotional in some aspects but I really appreciate you all listening in. Again, to the bullies out there, karma will eat you. To those who’ve been bullied, don’t worry about it. It’s a horrible experience but you will get through it. I’ve got through it, everybody else can get through it. And again, what works for me doesn’t [necessarily] work for you, so I empathize with your situation. But more importantly, look after yourselves, care for each other, love each other, and stay hydrated. For more information, please check out chiefhydrationofficer.com, please download this podcast and the rest of the series, and feel free to share it with your friends and colleagues. And more importantly, cheers.